A recent article in the Atlantic by Jonathan Rauch, though, suggests that the quality of life for many people actually improves after fifty. Why is this? As my own wife would put it, a lot of this has to do with "knowing your limitations."
Rauch point out that by the time we hit our forties, it has become clear that we are going to fall short of reaching many of our hopes and dreams. In fact adulthood up to that point could be described as a process of disillusion as it becomes more and more clear that life is not going to be as enchanting as we had hoped, that we are not going to become a professional athlete, fabulously wealthy or famous, or even rise to the top of our field.
At some point, Rauch argues, most of us come to realize that our expectations of life were unreasonable, and we ratchet our expectations down to more realistic levels. We come to realize that our anger and resentment over what we don't have is in fact a bigger problem than what we don't have. We realize that if we instead focus on what we can do, in fact there's a lot of exciting options out there that don't entail dating people half or age or taking up high-risk sports. This process can also be understood simply as "wisdom," including the capacity to accept paradox and ambiguity while prizing relationships more than possessions and status.
Hmmm…the edges of your subject cast shadows into territory I've been thinking about intensely with a continuing, intimate view of my failing father-in-law and my cheerfully declining mother, both of them marching through what we would normally consider indignities in their 80s. At the heart of the pondering is death. Death as the inevitable and often unexpected guest. My two elders are surrounded by the silence of most living voices that brightened their lives. The silence has its own language and becomes like the persistent "tap tap tap" of a faucet dripping. Hard to ignore. I find what I am passionate about is mediated by the certainty of dying.
ReplyDeleteIs it true that most people when young have unrealistic dreams and aspirations? I think we live in a world in which the vast majority of twenty-somethings hope they have a paycheck, loved ones, a DVD from Redbox, safety from horrible weather events and marauding gangs of one sort of another, a cellphone. I think it is not so much age that changes life expectations--except among people whose circumstances give them at least the illusion that 'they coulda been a contender'. I think that trope of the working class guy who aspires to greatness may be more legend than reality. Not to say that such people don't exist but I think it's a rare bird who aims to fly so high.
My aspirations are like those of the Franciscan or Buddhist monk. To take joy in simple things. To work hard to do as much as you can without mourning what you cannot. To be glad for the people around me for what they are and to be gentle with them in their weakness. To not be simply an observer (commentator) but to endeavor always to be an actor in the swirl of life surrounding us.
I think, David, this is what you model. A man old enough that many would say you should just sit back and look for finding some hobbies you enjoy. Instead, you are an actor, still seeking worthy things to do. No one remembers Joe, the Harley collector, who loved to go out and feel the bugs between his teeth. Everyone remembers Ghandi, who never had a motorcycle but may have had bugs between his teeth. I am certain that he lived with an awareness of death, lived with his attention tuned to the swirl of life and the simplest of joys. You too do that.